Disney or Dioramas

The last day. What to do? Should I go to the Hong Kong History Museum and learn about the history, culture and future of Hong Kong or should I go to Disneyland and satisfy my curiosity about how you do the most American place in the world with a Chinese twist?

The decision was pretty easy. The museum has free entry on Wednesday and Disney costs HK450. Also going to a theme park on your own is probably one of the saddest, and possibly creepiest, things you can do.

So to the museum. I was surprisingly the only european in sight. Obviously most tourists come here to shop. In fact the museum is barely mentioned in the Hong Kong Tourist Board paperwork. It's all about shopping and eating. It was also pretty far from the rest of the tourist circuit in Kowloon near the University. This meant I had the chance to catch the bus through the Harbour tunnel. Hong Kong seems to manage with a two lane tunnel quite happily so why Perth needed to turn our's into three lanes is beyond me. Oh that's right, if you use public transport in Perth you'll be instantly murdered, so you have to drive your own car everywhere. Will we never learn?

The museum is good, and I'd recommend a visit, especially if you don't really know the history of Hong Kong. Also if you love a diorama. There's loads and of surprisingly good quality. I mean the humans look actually human and most of the props look like they might actually be real. No enough bad wigs and stuck on facial hair for my liking though.

I already knew that the British pretty much started the trouble that lead to the hand over of Hong Kong. You know, the British government selling opium to the Chinese to get them hooked so the balance of trade would be a bit more level. It was pretty much the only thing the Chinese wanted to buy that the British produced. A bit like Bentleys now. Even after the Chinese handed over the land and the British had been in charge for ages they still couldn't give up the drug dealing lifestyle. In the 1900s, when the population in the UK started to get very anti-drug and booze (and anti-fun for poor people in general) the Hong Kong Government stopped issuing opium selling licences and started selling direct to the addicts.  It seems strange to call a government hotline to get hold of your dealer somehow. Perhaps we need to find a new opium to help with the current balance of trade deficit. Actually I think Australia already has with iron ore and gas.

It still seems weird to see the old pictures of Hong Kong when it really looked like a little version of England. Red post boxes, monarchy on the money and double decker busses. I even discovered that the city on Hong Kong Island that we call "Hong Kong" is actually a city called Victoria. I don't think it ever stuck though. The museum is huge and pretty much covers every piece of history from neolithic times to hong kong's industrial peak (it all started by making and exporting plastic flowers and wigs apparently).  There are numerous passing mentions of riots all through the displays but no real explanation until you get to the newer galleries. There you find lots of pictures of students waving Mao's Little Red Book in front of buildings with the Queens Cipher on them. A bit of an odd image really. I'm assuming these newer galleries are paid for by the Chinese as the captions all talk about "local students demanding their freedom from oppression" and "local people supporting their freedom fighting comrades". I suspect that the wording was once quite different. Although it's sort of true as the British only introduced elections after they knew the hand over was going to happen. If I was a cynic I'd think that was just to make life difficult for the Chinese when they turned up. Crafty. I'm quite surprised Britain gave Hong Kong back at all. It was only the New Territories that the lease was up on and it seems strange that Thatcher would fight a war to keep the Falklands as a colony but was happy to hand over Hong Kong to a communist government with seemingly little discussion or fight. Just proves what a mad, inconsistent nut job she was.

After the museum I went to get my lunch. I was craving veggies for some reason, Chinese food seems to be pretty meat dependent, so I ordered some vegetable noodle soup. It was the worst noodle soup I've ever eaten. I must have found the only Chinese chef in the world who can't cook noodles. In fact it so put me off eating local that I went for pizza that evening to try and wash away the memory of such a revolting lunch.

I walked back from the museum along the Avenue Of The Stars, Hong Kong cinemas version of the Hollywood Walk Of Fame, with hand prints set in cement of Hong Kong cinemas biggest stars. It's amazing how many of the actors I'd heard of. Well two actually, Jackie Chan and Bruce Lee, but there was hardly anyone taking photos of them, they were crowded around names I'd never heard of. I always find it amazing that there is a whole world of incredibly famous people out there who, because of a lack of cultural cross over in the entertainment business, I will never hear of. It's like those hugely famous K-popstars and African-American movie stars from the forties and fifties who only appeared in segregated movies (see Herb Jeffries, although he had an even more complicated cross over going on). I did notice one star who has maybe got a pretty clever scheme going on:

I suspect there is a George Cloney and Angelina Jolly somewhere too.*

I had a wander back to the ferry terminal and was pretty surprised to see the Falun Gong out and about with their posters being rude about the Chinese Communist Party and the persecution they face. They had some pretty gruesome posters up, lots of injured followers and nasty beatings, way worse than the stuff they hand out in Perth. It would appear that Hong Kong really does have it's freedoms guaranteed under the agreement with the British at handover. The Chinese guaranteed to let Hong Kong carry on as before for fifty years apparently, then they can do what they want. 

The increasing incorporation with the mainland is sort of happening already. I noticed that the stamps and official stuff now say 'Hong Kong, China' on them. Last time I was here in 2002 they said 'Hong Kong, SAR'. Small but significant maybe? Hong Kong also gets the 1st October as a holiday. It's National Day in China (you know, glorious victory by the people over repression etc. All that rhetoric that used to be so popular in the 60s and 70s but you never hear now the cold war is over) so they get it in Hong Kong too. Although to be honest they don't seem particularly keen on the whole idea. Nothing was shut, nobody was flying flags and there just seemed to be a few streets closed off for the kids to sing songs and the dragon dancers to have a bit of a go. It's almost as if the Hong Kong people don't really care that much for the PRC. 

In fact, from what I can tell, the mainlanders, as they are know here, drive the locals nuts. It must be the only place I've ever been where there are ruder and louder tourists than the Germans and Americans. Very odd. You can see the staff in Starbucks getting more and more frustrated trying to explain what's going on to the huge groups of mainland Chinese that arrive at regular intervals. There were particularly loads around this week because of the national holiday. I knew they were from the mainland as one guy was wearing a T-shirt with a picture of a money on the toilet on it. The upside of the masses of Chinese tourist is that the touts only seem to go for them and leave you alone if you look vaguely european. I suspect that's just an indication of who really has all the money to splash around now but it's an odd experience to watch tailors and tour bus guides harassing people who look like locals. Especially in Asia where you can pretty much not walk down the street without being hassled normally.

So that was my last day, I spent thursday getting to, and hanging around at, the airport. I asked the hotel to get me a taxi to the Airport Express as it was quite a long walk with a heavy bag, but they told me it would be quicker to walk as it was rush hour. This turned out to be bollocks. By the time I got to the nearest station I had seen hardly a car about. It does teach me that I need to buy a bag with wheels though, much as I hate people dragging those bloody things behind them in busy cities it does save your arm coming out of it's socket. There may be lots of my wheel-less luggage for sale on Gumtree pretty soon. The train to the airport is fantastic as you can check your bags in at the city station and travel luggage free even though I was convinced that I would never see my bag again (I did, it was off the conveyer pretty quick in Perth in fact).

My flight back was uneventful apart from my running around to get my duty free in the 40 minutes between flights. I needn't have worried as my flight ended up being delayed anyway, not by much but enough to get the gin in. There were also celebrities on my flight. The Perth Scorchers! No I had no idea who they are either till I asked Beau today. I sort of recognised one of them and it turns out it was Justin Langer, a sportsman I've actually heard of. There was a lot of autograph hunting going on on the plane, which must be a nightmare for the hunted as you really can't escape on a plane, although the impassible curtain between business and economy offered them some protection after the seatbelt sign was turned off.

So I'm back, laundry done, house cleaned, cat retrieved. He's still being friendly for some reason although he does seem to have a cold. There's a whole lot of kitty sneezing going on. I'm not sure why I pay hundreds of dollars a year to get him immunised when he comes home with a cold from every cat hotel he stays in. He's lost weight this time so it might be better termed a cat 'spa'.

Time to book the next holiday I guess.

*It would appear that I really don't know anything about world music and cinema. Mr Cheung is really famous. Just blame my asian cinema blind spot/cultural imperialism for assuming he's just got a really crafty agent.  Jacky Cheung has sold over 60,000,000 records and had a prolific acting career. I must try and remove my blinkers sometimes. Or at least check Wikipedia a bit more often.

The little things

It's the little differences that let you know when you are not at home. For example I decided I needed to get money from the ATM yesterday. I always manage to bring almost enough money when I travel but never quite enough. This usually means on the last day I have to withdraw money and decide whether I should take out a little, and pay a proportionally large transaction fee, or take out a lot and then have to change it back to Aussie dollars, and loose money anyway. Usually I end up doing the latter and just keeping the funny money in case I ever go back. This is why have a collection of US$, €, SG$ and Vietnamese dong at home. Although I kept the last for humour value really.


Anyhow I go to the ATM yesterday and try and withdraw. It's always a little nerve wracking sticking your only piece of plastic into a foreign hole in the wall but I'm pretty used to it. Only this time the machine takes my card, I put I the number and wait. And wait. And wait. There's lots of whirring and then it asks for my PIN again. I follow instructions, generally speaking, so second attempt. Still much thinking then my card is spat out and a receipt which says "Unauthorised attempt. Contact your bank"! This is not good when you really need to eat and get taxis. What the hell, I wonder, is happening. So I do what every sensible person does and stick the card back in the machine and have another go.


It's only at this point that I look at the ATM keypad and realise it's not like any ATM I've ever used before, the numbers are in a different order. This of course is no problem if you know your PIN, but if, like me, you have no idea what it is and you just have the pattern of buttons to be pressed in your subconscious it is a bit of a problem. Also as soon as I try to think of the number it just goes from my head. Am I the only one like this? I really could never be tortured for my passwords as I pretty much can only remember them when I'm not trying to remember them. I suspect it's something to do with left handers and their pesky visual, artistic memory and pattern recognition brains (that's a real thing by the way, I'm not being a smart arse). So I leave empty handed for now.






I needed the money as I was off to the Ozone bar at the top of the Ritz-Carlton hotel. It's the highest bar in the world and at the top of the big building opposite my hotel room. I knew I'd need money as any "Tallest/Highest In The World" is always an expensive proposition. I've mentioned my almost irresistible need to go up tall buildings and the almost certain disappointment that follows before. However this was a bit different. For a start there would be gin. Had to find the place first of course which, as it's Hong Kong, is on top of a shopping centre. Never before have I had trouble finding a 1600 foot tall building, but this was a nightmare. I had to ask three different people and it involved four escalators and three lifts.


It is a beautiful hotel, white gloved flunkies on every door and lift button. The reception is on the 109th floor and it's not a place for the vertiginous. The bar is higher still on the 113th floor and you get there in a leather and chrome lined lift. It sounds tacky because it is pretty tacky. I was worried they wouldn't let me in wearing jeans and T-shirt but I needn't have worried. The only restriction is thongs apparently. The view was amazing, the gin was excellent and the service was oddly average. And it wasn't too pricy. My G&T was about (deep breath) $23 Aussie dollars. Including almonds. I've actually paid almost that much at Helvetica in Perth and the view is nothing like this:






I'd thoroughly recommend a visit if you're here. It was suggested to me by a work-mate and now I'll be suggesting it to everyone.


It's also a great place to jog the memory as after the first drink I suddenly remembered my PIN, so I won't have to drag my luggage all the way to the airport after all.

Dropping with the shopping

Yesterday was my shopping day. I know, I'm a grown man, I should HATE shopping. I should be standing outside, or sitting on those little chairs outside a dressing room, waiting for "the wife". As we all know from the tv ads, women shop and men can't work washing machines. Well I'm no stereotype and I like to shop for stuff. As long as I know what I want, I'm not too good at just shopping as a pastime, which makes a trip to Hong Kong, or any Asian megatropolis, a challenge. Mainly because the shops I want to specifically go to are spread around four or five different huge shopping centres, also because most of the shops here are of the high-end variety as I mentioned before.


In fact there are some amazing shops here that I'm not sure I can work out how they make any money. For example this one:






Yes dear reader, that's a Gucci store for kids. Just kids. I know I'd love my five year old running around in $2500 couture at free dress day. I mean who buys this stuff? I understand that conspicuous consumption is all the go but Gucci for kids? My understanding is that children grow out of things quite rapidly. Either there are some amazing op-shops in Hong Kong or someone is getting the fanciest hand-me-downs ever. I used to get my mum's friends son's hand-me-downs. They lived in London so I was thrilled to get stuff that was unlikely to ever appear in deepest, darkest Gloucestershire, but I never got any Gucci. I did have the first pair of red Kickers in the primary school though. There must be a market however as this particular mall had an entire floor of children's couture. Armani, Dior etc. A whole floor! It's a different world for the rich.


I did manage to find the normal shopping areas though and got the stuff I wanted. We'll almost got the stuff I wanted. The usual issues with Asian sizes arose in a few places. Large here is not like large where I come from. And buying XL really brings down your day. Jeans too; "actually they only go up to a 30" waist". I'm "big 'n' tall" here (which is retail code for freakishly tall or hugely fat).


The other surprise is that quite a lot of stuff here is cheaper in Perth right now. How this happens is beyond me seeing as nearly everything for sale comes from just across the border in Shenzen. It pays to check the prices for the stuff you want before you get here. Of course that only applies to things you can buy in Australia AND buy here. Which is where the differences show as there is so much choice here and brands we never get in Oz. Rough guide: shoes are much cheaper, cologne is a little cheaper, some fancy European brands are the same price and glitzy stuff is more expensive. Don't say I didn't warn you. Oh and always pay in the local currency with your credit card. I ticked the wrong option once and it has cost me.


Because most of yesterday was spent at the shops I've not much to report so here are some observations that I don't know where else to put.


It seems that the population of Asia are keeping the Crocs shoe business alive. They love 'em here. And not just kids, grown adult are wearing them. There's even warnings on the escalators to keep your Crocs away from the edge so you don't get sucked into the machinery.


Elderly Chinese ladies seem to occupy some alternate space time continuum. When you follow them along the pavement they seem to be going really slowly but should you try to walk past them you find it's impossible as they are moving too quickly.


The Chinese flag on the buildings is always significantly bigger than the Hong Kong flag. To be honest that's the only indication I've seen that shows who is really in charge. Even the police cars still look like British ones. Hardly a hammer or star in sight (I can't spell the crop harvesting tool so it'll have to be star).


There are a lot of pet dogs here and they are all huge. Where the hell do they fit them in the tiny Hong Kong apartments?


There are a lot of cars here but you never see them parked on the street. Where the hell are they all kept? I've seen two car parks so far (both of which were cheaper than the ones in Perth!). It's a miracle of organisation.


When you buy a sandwich here you only get half a sandwich. This may go some way to explaining the lack of 32" waist trousers.


You can spot the mainland Chinese by the clothes they wear. Not dour or communist just very, very odd. I thought there was some sort of dress up day on for the local children but was told that it's just how the mainlanders dress their kids. A bit like they did it in total darkness from a random selection of colours, fabrics and logos. And odd English phrases, for example "love habitat rabbit!". Maybe that's just lost in the translation.


I found out where they dry the fish:





That's the main road outside the hotel. Not exactly of the banks of the mighty Yangtze. The bus exhaust must add a certain piquancy. Oh and those were squid once upon a time.


So today I'm off to the museums (or Disneyland, I haven't decided) and then to the highest bar in the word if they'll let me in wearing jeans and T-shirt. It's in a spectacularly fancy hotel so they may not.


In the meantime if you want a jar of dried caterpillars just ask as I know where the shop is now.

Water not so wise

It's a good job it rains a lot here. If it didn't I'd have almost emptied a reservoir on my own yesterday with all the showers I took. Not because of the spitting but because of the weather. The humidity is killing me, it's at about 100%. I say about as when it's not actually raining it's only 85%. However it's raining a lot and I was coding a lot of walking around. I don't think I could ever live I the tropics full time as the constantly moist everything would do my head in, this is a place where you have to let your clothes dry BEFORE you put them in the laundry bag. People must adapt though as all the locals walk around without a hint of sweat or discomfort, and even the expats seems to be able to wear suits and ties and not instantly look like a damp, bedraggled mess. I say all that but it could just be me as I still see middle aged British tourists with their cardies and jumpers on. They must have been the ones that built the Empire.


Speaking of which I was sightseeing yesterday, trying to find the history and past of this place. But to save you the trouble of doing the same I'll just tell you: there isn't any. The whole city has been built up and knocked down and built up again that there seems to be only about four original buildings left. It's a stark difference to Singapore where quite a lot of trouble has been taken to preserve the original city. Although like Singapore the heritage that is left has all been turned into fancy shopping centres. In fact there are so many 'luxury' shops (ie parts of the LVMH empire) that you find yourself being given directions using them; "straight on to Gucci, turn left at Armani and it's next to the third Dior on the right". Seriously. They do the same in the UK but using pubs. What I don't understand is why these superb rands are still considered exclusive, and can still charge such high prices, when they seem to be ubiquitous. Surely they are just glittery versions of any integer chain store now? Like Marks and Spencer with more glitter. And plastic surgery.



There's obviously plenty of money here to support these shops as I've never seen so many Bentleys and Ferraris in one city in my life. It must be a nightmare trying to thread these massive, expensive baubles between the trams, busses and hand carts. I assume you just take any scratches out of the chauffeurs wages. Most of these über-barges have got two license plates, which I thought meant they were government apparatchik vehicles, which says a lot about my cynicism regarding the glorious peoples revolution. Actually it just means they are vehicles that cross into China a lot. So I suppose that still means they are communists in half million dollar cars. It's a funny old world.



Back to the sightseeing. I did find an old colonial school (closed to the public) now used as the Office Of The Department For The Preservation Of Historic Monuments. They can't exactly be rushed off their feet as the only other old building I found was the church next door. It was a good old High Victorian Evangelical C of E. Apparently they still do the full immersion business which I always find odd for the Anglicans. Fundamental and vicar just doesn't go together in my head somehow. Especially with names like this:




The name of an empire builder if I ever saw one. That's what finished the British Empire. Nothing to dosing self determination, it was when we stopped naming our children Hubert Octavius Spink and started calling them Kevin. No Kevin will ever invade someone else's territory and claim it for the Queen. Kevins can't even get elected at the moment. Where ever you go in the world there are forgotten brass plaques with unforgettable names on them. Just goes to show the transitory nature of politics.



I gave up on the sightseeing, mainly because of the lack of sights but also because of the rain and lack of umbrella. Everyone else had one, and this being Asia, they all have their pointy bits at European eye level. I should have brought my safety specs. I avoided getting totally soaked by riding on the trams. These are great and seem to be completely unchanged from the fifties. Wooden benches, rattling and very, very narrow and low ceilinged. If you are over 5'11" I'd avoid them. Also if you have big feet. I lost count of how many times I've had to apologise for someone tripping over my clodhoppers on trams and busses here. It's not as though the Hong Kongers are particularly little, lots are taller than me, they just seem to be able to take up less space than the hulking Europeans around them. Must be something to do with such high density living.




I also have become a little obsessed with riding back and forth across the harbour on the Star Ferry. It's much easier on the MTR but infinetly less romantic. That's not a word you'll hear from me often, but in some places there just seems to be a right way to get somewhere. Here's it's the ferry across the harbour, in Perth is sitting in the traffic on the freeway. Both are totally evocative of the place you are in. I think HK wins that particular comparison though, even when it was as rough as it was yesterday. It's a bit odd that eh ferry even still exists as there is a tunnel for the trains and for the cars and a bridge as well. Obviously they only keep hold of practical heritage here.



Last night I went back across the harbour to see The Symphony Of Lights. This is "the Guinness world record holders for largest permanently installed light show in the world!". It's a record that's ripe for breaking. I'm not saying it was lame, but it certainly wasn't as impressive as the HK Tourist Board wants you to think. Half a dozen lasers and some searchlights is not what I think of with the phrase "SYMPHONY OF LIGHT". To be honest I was expecting something a little more Australia Day fireworks. Or even something a bit Albert Speer-y. Still it was free so can't complain. This is the symphony in action:




Pretty much that. With lasers.
I did find more evidence to support my theory that all cultural and art centres have to be modelled on Cold War bunkers though. The one here is just the same, although Hong Kong's also has a touch of the municipal bus station about it too. I think it's the brown tiles.




Today I'm shopping so obviously the sun is shining. Perfect weather to spend inside a shopping mall or two.
At least it should cut down on the showering.