Home from home

So I'm on my way home. From being at home. It gets a bit confusing when you leave home (in Australia, where I live) to go home (where my parents live and where I grew up) and then have to return home after you've been home. It's one of those things that people who haven't migrated don't really think about and some people, like my twitter friend @ramnaslady, have been doing it with their families for a long time. It never gets easier when you have to wander through the magic door at Heathrow into the "security area", even though twitter and Skype do mean you can actually see your loved ones now. It's not quite teleportation but it does reduce the distances a little. Unless you need to give them a lift anywhere, then you're just stuck on the opposite side of the planet.

For once the trip to Heathrow wasn't filled with drama, the car didn't break down, no one was sick and it didn't snow. Well actually it did snow but for once the Forest of Dean District Council actually managed to salt the roads and keep the traffic flowing. However because my father hates driving on the M4 (understandably) we had to go over the Cotswolds to Oxford. It's usually a beautiful drive through woods and valleys but with the snow it was stunning. All ice draped trees and rolling snowy meadows. And people driving at 20 miles per hour as they are petrified of any sort of weather. This may be wise at night in icy conditions, but during the day on well salted roads it's just a pain in the arse.

The trip through Heathrow was spectacularly quick with absolutely no passengers about. I'd recommend 18:15 flights as they seem to be really quiet. I mean the 'plane was full but the check in area and public undressing areas were eerily quiet. Sorry I mean 'security areas'. I'm getting more and more annoyed with the security theatre at airports. What exactly does it achieve, making old ladies take off their shoes and having small children rubbed down by a security guard who is paid so little, and has such a poor level of education, that they are ripe for both bribery and brainwashing. It's not as if the people running the security are even police personnel. They're employed by ISS. This is the company who usually contracts for cleaning hospitals and schools. And we know how great they are at that.

The flight was uneventful apart for the strange obsession got about 5 hours in that we were going to have an incident of some description. I don't know what or why but it got in my head and only went with the help of pharmaceuticals. I thought I was getting so good at flying with out my anti-anxiety drugs but pride comes before a fall as the old saying goes. Actually that's not a great turn of phrase in the circumstances.

So I've been in Singapore for the last couple of days. I'm not sure why I booked a stop over this time. I've got nothing to buy, I've done pretty much every tourist thing there is to do here and I could have gone straight home to rescue the cat from the cat stalag. I suppose it's a way to acclimatise to the weather and get over the jet-lag.

I have been to two new places though. Firstly is the Marina Bay Sands Casino. Well I say I've been there but, this being Singapore, I couldn't actually get in. Only here would they build a casino then try and keep people out to protect them from temptation. If you're a tourist you can only get in if you show your passport and that's not an item I tend to carry with me on the off chance that I want to enter a tourist trap. If you're a local then you can only enter if you pay $100 a day. I think this is to try and ensure that the casino only takes money from Chinese punters but, judging by the queue at the 'residents only' entry, it's not working. At all. So if you come to Singapore and want to loose some money in a hideously carpeted American style mega-casino remember to bring your passport.

If you can't get in then you can wander around the Shoppes At Marina Bay. Yes it is spelled like that, with two ps and an e. I'm not sure why as the place doesn't really look like the usual user of an antique, made up spelling. It's just another super-mall full of high end stores and celebrity chef restaurants. How one small island state supports all these identical shopping malls amazes me. How many Fendi and Prada shops (or shoppes if you will) do you need? None of them seem to have customers in, and the ones that do are obviously tourists just having a sticky beak. Or is that just what I do? However if you want to see proof that money and taste are mutually exclusive then these 'shoppes' are a good place to start. I've never seen so many semi-precious stone encrusted handbags, shoes, cigarette holders, paintings, watch winders and mobile phones in one place. Why do self made Chinese millionaires/communist party officials (they're the same thing) have such abominable taste? Are their houses full of Burberry themed jade and opal life size dragons? O, while I think about it, how does Vertu, the "luxury" mobile 'phone company, manage to con people into paying $5000 for what's basically a Nokia phone from 1998? I thought rich people were meant to be clever and we should all aspire to be like them? Seems like if you make it glittery and "exclusive" enough they'll buy anything.

You can also visit the ArtScience Museum if you're down at the casino area. It's another of those Landmark Buildings that cities feel they have to build to get attention. I think Sydney started it with the Opera House and now everyone needs a swoopy/pointy/pudenda-shaped architectural experiment to make their mark. The problem with this is that none of them will ever be as brilliant and beautiful as Jørn Utzon's Opera House. In evidence I give you the Swan Bells. Or the Burj Khalifa. Or anything by Frank Gehry. Or nearly all buildings over 20 stories built in the last 15 years. Yes I'm looking at you The Shard. What has happened is a blight of monstrosities that are dating rapidly and, worse, degrading rapidly. The ArtScience Museum is a perfect example of this. When you first see it you think "hmm that looks interesting". Then the subsequent times you think "hmmm that's just trying too hard". From a distance it looks shiny and new, which it should as it's only been open fourteen months, but up close the fibreglass shell is stained, the paint is peeling and there are obvious water leaks.

As a museum/gallery it's a bit odd too. I went to see an exhibition of Lego sculptures by Nathan Sawaya. He gave up a job as a corporate lawyer to become a Lego artist. Ok, live the dream and all, more power to him but though technically very clever, the ideas and descriptions were like a high school art event. Lots of convoluted descriptions to make the piece sound more deep than it actually appears to be. At the risk of sounding like a wanker I'd say artistically vacant. This could be the most blatantly commercial artist I've ever seen, and I've been to a Jeff Koons retrospective. The other exhibit was some of the Magnum photographic archive. Interesting mostly for the side displays on the development of photography that barely mentioned film and chemicals. We truly are in a digital world now. As per usual I wandered round wondering why these photographers are artists and manage to make a living out of it while I live in fear of a career change to study the art. I may be having a mid life crisis, all be it eight years after buying a sportscar.

One last last thing about the Marina Bay Sands complex. It's the first, and so far only, place in Singapore where I've experienced poor service. I was seated and ignored for 20 minutes in a Coffee Bean And Tea Leaf. I walked out and had a bit of a moan at the manager. Then I went to TWG for a pot of tea and a scone and had to watch the staff messing about, wait for service and ask three times for some water. Very odd. I'm wondering if it's because the whole places run by a non-Singaporean corporation (the American Sands Casino Corp).

So I'm going to spend the last day sitting by the pool with a beer and a book before I go upstairs and try to make my 29kg of luggage miraculously weigh 20kg. Hopefully I can find some sort of space time anomaly hidden in my wash bag that'll help.