God and Mammon

Yes that's two subjects I'm never impressed with, but it's pretty much the scene at Suntec City this morning. On one floor a couple of thousand dentists learning how to make more money and on the next a couple of thousand Christians having a Sunday morning pray. It seems that the lack of space in Singapore means the mega churches can't quite afford to build their gigantic stadiums-cum-chapels-cum-money-laundering centres. Instead they rent the conference and meeting rooms at the convention centres and hotels around the city. It's a bit odd to see hundred of kids and adults riding on escalators past Starbucks carrying bibles and study guides. This is my second close call with the local bible-bashers. Looks like the American evangelists and missionaries are investing heavily in South-East Asia with that peculiarly American muscular and close minded version of Jesus.

The conference has been pretty good, although I was concerned after the first lecture. It was one of thoses PowerPoint nightmares. Lots of slides, most of which were introduced with "you won't be able to read this". If we can't read it why put it up there? This is a common theme with dental academics. Thy all need a lesson in presentation. I mean I'm sure what this fella was saying was totally cutting edge and fascinating, but I wouldn't know as I was squinting at a mess of comic sans references. Still it got better. In fact today I saw, for the first time in my life, a PowerPoint presentation that was almost art. This guy is a French dental technician (that's who makes the crowns and bridges) who started his presentation with a slide show of his photos. Now I expect you've been to conferences where the bloke on stage flashes up a few of his family pics (to prove his familymanliness) or a few whimsical holiday snaps (to prove his sense of humour). These pics were of Robert Downey Jr and Sean Penn, among others. See Michel Magne has his dental lab in Hollywood. And he doesn't just make crowns and bridges. He's a photographer, a designer, architect, artist and sculptor. And his photos are of the stars. And they were excellent too. Enough to make you sick really. So his PowerPoint was very much free of comic sans. It was free of squinty slides too, just lots of beautifully lit pictures of teeth, faces and bridgework. Now I know that probably sounds like your worst nightmare, but believe me it was like a gallon of cold water in the face after three days of pretty dry stuff.

The trade show attached to the conference was interesting but somewhat depressing if you work for the government. It doesn't matter how fancy the chairs are, how brilliant the new materials are or how pretty the surgical instruments are, you ain't gonna get ANY of it. It's homebrand dentistry all the way for government patients. It's also a bit disheartening to see all these new techniques and methods that I could be doing if only I had the funding. If you're poor and can't afford the private dentist then sadly your treatment is always going to be basic. Excellent, sufficient and delivered with care and love, but basic.

There were a few freebies for me though. Mostly bloody Colgate as per usual. I don't even use Colgate yet that's all you ever get at any meeting. I don't really know why, especially in Australia, as Colgate pretty much has the market monopolised. I did get a syringe and needles to try, as long as its not taken off me at customs, and I was meant to go back and get some forceps from a new UK company that's trying to break into the market. Sadly they'd packed up by the time I got back. I was hoping to convince the powers that be to change back to UK manufactured stuff as the Chinese crap we get now is terrible. It was a big theme at the trade show, all the companies were very quick to tell you that their stuff

wasn't

made in the PRC. Not that it was easy to tell as half the things on the Chinese stands were complete rip offs of the German and Japanese designs. Not sure how they get away with it. There was a new company called US Dental. All the stuff was made in Chicago, beautifully designed surgical instruments. The odd thing? It's a Korean company. It's gone full circle, so it's cheaper for a Korean company to manufacture in the US for export than to make the stuff in Korea. I'm not sure if this is good or bad, but at least it's work for someone.

It was interesting to note the characteristics of the different national pavilions there too. I don't like clichés but sometimes they're true: The Germans were efficient and suspicious of any brown people milling around, the Japanese were polite and almost totally drowned in high tech displays, the Swiss looked slightly bored and as if they were far too well bred to be actually selling things. The Koreans were desperate to be taken seriously as manufacturers but kept getting mistaken for the Japanese, the British just looked disheartened and dejected, the Aussies were overly friendly and scaring the locals and the French? Well they were eating pastries and talking amongst themselves. And I swear to god none of that is made up.

Another thing I noticed, and I'm going to sound like an appalling racist, which I'm not (really I'm not, even though most people who say "I'm not a racist but..." are only one step from cross burning) but if you suggest to a large group of Asian people that there is a possibility of free stuff around then there'll be a scrum in seconds. Don't get me wrong, I love a freebie too but the European way seems to be chat to the sales person, pretend to be interested, ask for information and hope that they decide to give you a free tube of toothpaste/composite/disinfectant wipe. If you're from Asia, you just walk up and say "what have you got for free?" And it works! Much more honest than my pussyfooting around. Although it didn't work on the Germans. They expect you to work for it.

So it's all over now and I fly back to Perth tomorrow. Have I learned anything? Yes, some new things which I can try, some that I won't be able to because of lack of equipment. I've learned that I'm doing most things right, some things maybe need a rethink. I've learned that if you sit on those chairs that convention centres use for weddings and meetings for three full days then you WILL be crippled and need a physio when you get home.

I've also learned that if you sound like Arnold Schwarzenegger then you probably shouldn't try to lecture in English as half your audience won't be paying attention, they will just be waiting for you to say "I'll be back".