Rambling Man: Going abroad

Just got back from Scotland (which isn't quite abroad yet but will be if the Scottish Nationalists get their way) and a very pleasant weekend. I drove up to Carlisle on Friday to see J and M and the kids. I always forget how far it actually is to their place, I think it's because I keep reading miles as kilometers and forgetting that they are 1.6 times further than I think.

The M6 motorway is a very boring drive, and not that lovely till you get past Manchester, unless you think that urban decay and the outskirts of Birmingham make for scenic travel. It's not quite the great ocean road. Once you get past the post industrial bits of the north though is does get quite spectacular as you drive through the Staffordshire countryside and Lake District. I of course mean spectacular in that slightly less than anywhere else's sense of spectacular that England has, it's beautiful but not quite a mountainy as New Zealand or foresty as Canada or remotey as Australia. But this is a good thing. Mountains like the Southern Alps in Cumbria would just be a bit silly. Because of the boringness of the motorway I did stop quite a few times. I would suggest you avoid this if at all possible on the UK motorway system. The services, or roadhouses if you're antipodean, are just awful. Always full of kids on school trips, old ladies from coach trips and members of the British forces for some reason. This doesn't sound too bad but add in the cost of a coffee and the unmentionable items floating in the lavs and it makes you want to keep driving. The "Tiredness Kills" signs start to sound like a good alternative. There is however one little oasis on the entire network called Tebay. This is a private service station in Cumbria which is the only motorway services in the UK with a butcher and a farm shop. And ducks in the car park. It's really lovely but I managed to miss it on my way up and stopped at a place that turned out to be only 10 minutes from my destination. It's those pesky kilometers again.

J was at work so I found the spare key and let myself in (she told me where it was, it's ok). I always think it's a very odd thing to be in someone else's house while they are at work. I could never be a burglar as it would make me uncomfortable. J and M are about to move to Australia, Perth in fact, so there was lots of questions about stuff. I also warned them to be prepared for the kids sounding a bit weird and very Ozzie in pretty short order. At the moment they are very northern so some may say it'll be an improvement. Not me though, I'd never say something like that...

On to Scotland then and to see D and P in their mansion overlooking the loch. It is just the most beautiful house in the most beautiful location. Last time I saw them the place was still in two halves as they bought it as two flats many years ago. It had been roughly hacked into two floors without much sympathy but P and D have put it back together with great attention to detail. It's the sort of place you expect to see in a Victorian drama. I imagine the vicar would live there. The location is amazing too, overlooking Loch Long. If you're lucky you get to see the nuclear subs going past too but I don't expect this to last with the current Tory cuts going on. There is just one small problem with the house and location. It is bloody freezing. This isn't a issue with the house, it's just in Scotland. Amazingly the natives don't seem to notice, we went into Glasgow and there were people with T shirts on for gods' sake! Glasgow's a funny place, really beautiful and with a very arty heritage while also being a bit of a hell hole with some of the worst social problems in the UK. I am at a loss to see how the SNP plan to pay for their health service when there is no English money available. Although the Scots do smoke a lot so there's some cash to be made there. Actually those north of the border already get a better deal than the sassenachs with free prescriptions, no university fees and parking for four hours for a quid outside the Kelvingrove museum. This is the best parking deal so far this trip.

If you are ever in Glasgow, and you may be, then a trip to Kelvingrove is well worth it. It's the only museum in the world where you'll see a stuffed elephant being buzzed by a WW2 Spitfire. Don't ask me why. It seems that when they refurbished the museum they just got everything out of storage, put it on display then tried to find ways to link together what you're looking at. It's sort of bizarre but brilliant all the same. I'm still trying to work out what child sized football jerseys have got to do with stuffed albatrosses. The kids loved it. They had activity sheets to do so that kept them busy for about five minutes then they just wanted to see the elephant and have some chips.

We drove back to Carlisle on Saturday evening and it rained the entire way, absolutely horrible conditions so I'm pretty glad I was a passenger. I've kind of forgotten how to drive in the rain and find myself turning into a classic Perth driver at the first spots on the windscreen: slowing down and pulling as far to the left as I can while the locals fly past at 80 mph. I saw my first episode of the new Dr Who while J was out getting takeaway. I thought the new child playing the Doctor was a bit too much like the last one. I assumed the point was that when he regenerates he's usually a totally different person. John Pertwee to Tom Baker leaps to mind. I'm also pretty sure he must have run out of new bodies by now. Isn't there a regeneration limit? I'm sure my nerdy friends will enlighten me. It was funny watching it with the kids, they started off sitting on the floor about two feet from the screen but gradually got closer and closer to the sofa until they were sitting on top of me. Bravery obviously doesn't last the full 46 minutes.

Sunday I headed for home again but decided to make a stop at Morcambe on the way back. You may never have heard of it but Morcambe was once as famous a holiday destination as Blackpool, attracting massive crowds of the "better sort". I've always wanted to go to see the Midland Hotel. This was built in 1933 by the LMS railway for their passengers to stay. It's a wonder of Stramlined Moderne with sculptures by Eric Gill (who designed the Gill Sans font on your Mac, among other things). It was pretty much left to rot during the 60s and 70s, with the decline of Morcambe as a holiday destination, but has recently been renovated and it is a sight to behold. You can really imagine the smart set arriving in their Bentley drop head coupe for a weekend by the sea before dashing off to give Hitler a jolly good thrashing. It's beautiful and I'm glad I went to see it.

However the rest of Morcambe...

What a sad, sad place. Even for me who has a strange affection for out of season British seaside towns. The wind was so strong that I could barely walk along the promenade, it was raining, freezing cold, half the businesses are shut, buildings are in poor repair and the hotels look like doss houses. I hope it improves in the summer for the poor buggers who are compelled to holiday here. The nicest thing I can say about it is that it had very cheap diesel at the Morrisons supermarket servo. Oh and the chips were pretty good.

Anyway here's some pictures;

The Midland