You're in Da Nang now boy..

Made my first cash withdrawal yesterday. It's slightly unnerving to type six zeros into an ATM just to withdraw $50. It's so cheap here that that'll last at least another five days. Actually we are all getting so acclimatized to prices that when the laundry came back today and cost 130,000 Dong we were all outraged. Until someone pointed out that's about $6.50 for 15 items. Not bad really.

The trip from Hue to Hoi An yesterday was a bit never ending again. So many stops to see so many things. It all becomes a bit of a blur but there were the first real American War relics we've seen so far. It pretty much starts outside Da Nang on the Col de Nuages pass, a very bendy, very steep ascent over the mountains which is not for the faint hearted when being driven by a Vietnamese driver. Particularly through the road works sections which are careful marked off with a bit of stick and a giant pothole. Good job no one drive on the correct side of the road anyway. After surviving the trip to the top we got to see the above pill box bunkers. The first defenses built by the US after the landed in Da Nang. They are pretty sturdy and command a great position in the pass but I cannot imagine what the GIs thought when they arrived from Lickspittle, Iowa and were put straight in a concrete target in the mists of a Vietnamese mountain. No wonder so much pot was smoked. Speaking of which we also went to China Beach. Apparently this is a famous tv series as well as the main R&R resort for Americans. I've never heard of the tv show but the beach was nice (in a way that no Australian would agree with considering the beaches in Oz). I would guess it was amazingly wild during the war, now it's pretty much deserted and ripe for development. A pity then that it's in Da Nang which must be one of the most charmless depressing towns we've seen so far. Our guide explained there was nothing to see except the beach and the Cham museum, and he should know as he was a refugee here for two years.

More and more little details are emerging about Mr Hua. It sounds like his family was on the wrong side during the war (that is, NOT Uncle Ho's) and there are still consequences of this almost 40 years later when he and his kids tried to get university place. No one can hold a grudge like a revolutionary can hold a grudge it seems.

Although they don't seem to mind taking their old foreign enemies money. All along the road from Da Nang to Hoi An are huge, mostly half finished, resorts funded by French and US hotel chains. How they are ever going to finish them let alone sell all the villas is beyond me in these allegedly straitened times. Although the developers obviously have a lot of faith in Greg Norman as shown by his face being plastered on every lamppost for kilometers around. I wonder if he's even aware that he's building a golf course "community" in Vietnam?

Hoi An is a beautiful place but by far the most touristy place we've been so far. Not that that's a big issue at this point as we are all quite glad to be able to get a decent coffee and some food without noodles for a while. The whole old town is pretty much as it was in the C16 & C17, except every house is a tailors, cafe or flogging Tin Tin in Vietnam reproductions. Still very pretty and best of all it's pedestrianized in most street so there is finally respite from the scooters and the tooting of horns. Except outside my hotel which is on a corner and unbelievably noisy. And also the least pleasant place so far. Not particularly clean and lots of reports of bedbugs. Not that I have any; and believe me I looked VERY carefully when I checked in.

Everyone has been getting measured for clothes and I was going to get a linen jacket made for $60. Which isn't really that cheap and I'd never actually wear it. Unless there was a wedding or funeral. It would shopping for the sake of if really. So I bought a shirt instead. And just to proove you really can't escape Jezza, Captain Slow and the Hamster it appears I've ordered it from their tailor. The little girl asked me "did you see us on Top Gear?". The world is so tiny now. I hope it'll be ok as they are just delivering it to the hotel tomorrow so I don't need to go back and get it. I think the returns policy is non-existent.

Most of the group have gone to Mai Lai today to see the massacre memorial but I gave it a miss. I think I'll have enough atrocity tourism when I get to Cambodia. Instead I decided to rent a bike and cycle along the river. I was going to get a moped but I'm glad I didn't after seeing the state of the push-bike. It didn't actually fall apart but sure as hell felt like it would. The chain came off about four times and typically when I had left the wet wipes at the hotel. Luckily a string of helpful Vietnamese people gave me tissues and newspaper to wipe my hands so that was good. I'm amazed I survived the traffic really but it seems the "don't look too much and you'll be fine" method really works here. I got back just as the rain started so I'm having a beer on my balcony being deafened by the traffic below. The hotel has a New Years Eve do tonight so I'm saving my strength to try and stay awake 'till midnight. I think this may be an impossible ask but peer pressure is a terrible thing.

Next update will be next year.

Happy New Year to all!

Storm the Citadel!

The Citadel in Hue is the traditional seat of power of the Nguyen Emperors, right up to 1945, when Ho Chi Minh politely asked them to abdicate and help the revolution. Apparently he did and was asked by Ho to go to France to buy arms to fight, well the French actually. Sadly he decided to just stay in Paris instead, so that was pretty much that.

It's a huge place, the walls alone are 20 metres thick, and it's amazing to see how these people were living right up to really recent times. It's a bit like the Forbidden City in Beijing, the people only got to see their emperor twice a year and the rest of the time he was in here drinking tea and worshipping his ancestors. You can sort of see how Communism got a foothold when you realise the amount of wealth the Emperor had and the total poverty the rest of the population suffered. Some people may draw a modern comparison between Party and people, but I would never do that. I have noticed that there is a massive amount of poverty in Vietnam, just hidden below the surface. I mean there are lots of Mercs and BMWs around, but there are plenty of people scratching a living selling wrapping paper on the side of the road. I assume it's a bit like the Chinese "Miracle"; plenty of millionaires, but billions of nothingaires.

Anyhow after the emperors moved out the place was pretty much not used for much, but came into the news again when the Viet Cong decided to occupy it during the Tet Offensive. It took the Americans over three weeks to fight about 100m down the road to even get to the place, then another month to get the VC out. And I can see why, the place was designed as a fortess and is obviously very good at it's job, the thick walls, only a few easily defendable gates, a moat. You name it, it's got it. Well except a bunker. Once the US was given the go ahead to bomb the crap out of the place it was all over pretty quickly.

But this does leave the modern visitor (and there are a lot, see pic above) with a slightly odd visiting experience. Most of the standing buildings have been built since 1995 (with foreign money, but don't ask me why a revolutionary government would spend money rebuilding things from the imperial past) and the rest is just the platforms the internal buildings stood on. It's odd to walk around a site that is still basically a battle field. Bullet holes in walls, fallen walls and even some shrapnel. To think this was once a Royal Palace is amazing. It would be like walking round a flatened Windsor Castle after a guerilla battle between the Queen and the Communist Party. Mind you it might make Windsor Castle a bit more interesting.

We got there just in time as it started to get very very busy with Korean and Chinese tour groups. These seem to travel in suit and tie most of the time so you can't tell if they are on holiday or trying to sign a contract for a new factory.

Spent the afternoon sitting on a hotel roof top drinking a few beers and having lunch, which seems to bizzarely given me an upset stomach. Just my luck to get poisened by the five star hotel while the dodgy looking food stalls have had no effect. Needless to say I am having an evening in the hotel in dashing distance to the facilities but this does give me a chance to share so observations on Vietnam:

1] There are so many staff everywhere, I assume to try and make it look like there is full employment. Even the toll booth on the motorway had two people in each box. I suppose they at least keep each other warm in the winter.

2] Everyone in even the least offical job has a uniform like a five star general. The girl on the train whose only job seemed to be to tell us to close the windows had braid and five stars on her epaulettes.

3] Vietnames TV is very odd. I suppose because it's free market and communist it explains the Soviet movies, full of heroic proletariat fighting for freedon from their opressive landlords, folowed by Vietnam Idol. Yes they get the singing freak show here too.

4] They really love Korean Boy Bands. There seems to be an entire channel dedicated to this strange phenomenon. I have never seen such a campy collection of non-threatening boys in my life. Apparently the whole of Asia goes for these fellas, yet in the west we've never heard of them. Luckily for us probably.

OK I've been kicked off the computer, outstayed my welcome so I'll sign off. Don't want a 12 year old girl in a uniform taking my name. No time to check my spelling so you'll have to live with it.

Trippy

Had a well weird evening last night. Our guide reccomended a reataurant where we could eat 'royal Hue court food' and listen to some traditional music.

When we got there it turned out we had to dress up as imperial mandarins and mandarinas and process into the dining room. Much embarrasment and amusement followed. Mostly embarrasment.

The whole evening was a bit of a wierd event. The band we had playing for us looked sooo  pissed off. The lad playing the Vietnamese violin looked like he was only there because his parents had made him. They were all also having a bit of a chat among themselves during the different numbers. It was like watching a Rep Club christmas show rehearsal. Sadly the food was also the worst we've had so far, which was a surprise as even the food in the little roadside cafes has been excellent.

Oh and the vegetarians got brought meat kebabs and I got a huge prawn in a pot. So they still haven't quite worked that business out yet.

I think in future I'll stick to the Lonely Planet reccomendations and avoid the places suggested by Mr Hua.

Planes, trains and automobiles

Thank god I've finally stopped. In the last 24 hours I've been on a boat, a bus, a train, a bus, a boat and a bus. In that order. Truly an epic journey and I just need a day or two to recover.

After I blogged yesterday there was the weirdest relay to allow everyone to "freshen up" using a couple of rooms before getting on the train. There was a list and we all had 15 mins each. I've noticed that this company is very organized. Too much really as we keep getting told where to eat and where to leave our bags. In fact our tour leader is very insistent that we leave our passports and bags behind on every excursion. As you can imagine this causes a lot of mumbling from the rest of us. The British tourist suffers significant separation anxiety if you take their passport away. It does seem odd that the Vietnamese think your personal effects are safer left in the hotel lobby or on a bus than they are on your back or in your pocket. I blame communism. I had also forgotten how much the British love a tan. Or sunburn more accurately. Of the 18 people sitting in the sun on a boat all day I only saw 4 of us put on sunscreen. So many rosey faces today.

So eventually we got on the train. This is when we discovered why we had a freshen up opportunity before we got on. It was basic to say the least. Think prisoner of war camp or gulag and you're getting there. I expected to be asked to join the escape committee. The toilet was a western type but unfortunately just dropped your little package straight onto the track. The squat lav at the other end was indescribable. We were told we wouldn't need a sleeping sheet as we were in the special carriages for tourists and well to do Vietnamese and would have a sheet pillow and blanket. Well so we did. I would imagine the provided linen had been there since the Tet Offensive. I don't think it was blood but I used my sleeping sheet anyway. And slept in my clothes. Mind you that was necessary because the aircon was on all night and it was freezing. I was on the top bunk, which took me straight back to caravan holidays as a kid, and I thought I slept quite well considering. It's quite soothing with the clackety-clack of the train sending you off to sleep. Not so soothing when the brakes are jammed on and you're almost thrown across the carriage every hour or so.

I went for a wander up the train and realized we really were in the fancy part of the train. We had 4 bunks per cabin. The cheap seats had 6. And the really cheap seats were just seats. Not the best for the 36 hour trip from Hanoi to Saigon.

Ours was just 12 hours to Hue and I've never been so glad to get somewhere. Unfortunately we couldn't rest as there was a trip to a monastery and a boat trip to do.

It surprises me how the Party here tolerates religious freedom. That must be pretty unique in a single party state. I will ask why at some point when I pluck up the courage, I feel strangely reticent to question the locals about the Party incase it puts them in a difficult position. It may be because the Buddhist monks here have a history of being quite vocal and beligerant in the defense of their religion. The monastery today, Thien Mu Pagoda, is where the first self immolating monk (Thich Quang Duc) was from. The Austin he made his final journey to Saigon in is still here.

Hue is so peaceful after Hanoi. Less traffic and a lot less tooting of horns. However the hawkers trying to sell you crap do seem to be getting more persistent as we go further south.

I also had my fist real Apocolypse Now moment on the Perfume River today. We were speeding along in our boat and went past a couple of old American patrol boats still there on the river.

It was almost enough to give you flashbacks.

Load of junk

Spent the last 24 hours in Ha Long bay which is one if the most beautiful places I've ever seen. If you're a Top Gear fan it's where they turned their mopeds into motorboats. Lots of limestone islands sticking out of the ground. And I mean LOTS. 2000 I think. To be honest I can't really remember as we've had so much info imparted in the last two days I'm getting confused. Suffice to say there's a lot. And we cruised through them in a wooden junk. All I could think of was Roger Moore in those 70s Bond movies which always seemed to involve a fight on a junk at some point.

No fights today though. Just warm sunshine and plenty of seafood. Actually this is causing some confusion. The prawn allergic (me) and the three vegetarians are being kept apart from the rest at meal times. It's like being on the kids table at Christmas. Supposedly it's to prevent confusion but seeing as they still bring meat spring rolls and fried pork to the table I'd suggest it's not working. Ok for me though. Except they also brought prawns. I'll assume its the language barrier.

Getting there yesterday was an experience in itself. The drivers are totally suicidal yet there appear to be no crashes and very few dented cars. That might be more due to the 50 kph speed-limit though which explained the 4 hours to do 140 kms. I'm also amazed that these Vietnamese drivers can turn a two lane road into five lanes. That is some awesome filtering going on right there.

We passed some huge factories (Foxconn was one so expect your next iProduct to be Vietnamese) and went through a coal mining town, the streets of which were black, along with the people, buildings and cows. I'm guessing they don't hand out many "accident free days" t-shirts here judging by the thongs all the workers were wearing.

So now we are just waiting to get on the train for the 12 hour trip to Hue. I've never been on a train that long. Even with British Rail's help and leaves on the line. Apparently the food on board is not really safe so we have stocked up with stuff for breakfast. Unfortunately the only place nearby is a 7-eleven clone so it looks like kit-kats, crisps and biscuits for brekkie.

I've discovered two more fascinating facts today. Firstly that the music of Sigur Ròs matches the passing Vietnamese countryside perfectly.

Secondly Top Gear was on the tv in Vietnamese last night. You can't escape Jeremy Clarkeson anywhere in the world.

Good morning sunshine

Ha Long Bay today and finally the sun makes an appearance.

And the winner is...

I underestimated Uncle Ho yesterday. He didn't beat two foreign powers, he beat four. The Chinese, the Japanese, the French and finally the Americans. Oh and the British who propped up the French in 1945. I had no idea. Bizarrely after the war finished the British directed the Japanese prisoners of war to fight the Viet Minh on behalf of the French. What a tangled web we weave. Or wove, seeing as the UK is a bit of a spent force when it cones to international intrigue nowadays.

I'm pretty glad that was our last escapade in indochina considering the shit that went down after 1965. Take this with a pinch of salt, seeing that the source is the Vietnam military history museum, but the USA had a hell of a time in Vietnam. I've never seen so many bits of aircraft in one place and the pictures of the conditions both sides fought in show what a hellhole it was. You realize the US and her allies (south Vietnam, Australia and New Zealand to give credit to all) hadn't a hope of winning when Ho Chi Minh and his generals had had almost 30 years to perfect their guerilla techniques before the yankies even arrived. They really should have spoken to the French before they got here. You have to remember that the NVA weren't just pajama wearing guerillas. They had MiGs and missiles too. I don't think you really get that impression from the movies. Its funny that the Americans in 1945 were all about self determination. Unless you're a commie of course. Never get involved in a civil war. Just ask the boys in Afghanistan.

It's a great museum though. There us no ceremony with the relics. You can touch and climb all you like. Well on the US stuff at least. Not so much with the local memorabilia.

Anyhow it's my last morning in Hanoi so I'm off for lunch then a four hour drive to Ha Long bay. Its only 150 km so I'm expecting a lot of traffic. Wish me luck.

Uncle Ho

Communism. Where all people are equal. Unless you're the president in which case you get a massive mausoleum. And embalmed.

Yes we went to see Uncle Ho this morning; possibly the worlds weirdest tourist attraction. He's a testament to that strange soviet art of embalming. He looks amazingly perky for a man who's been dead for 40 years. Some of the group didn't realize we were actually about to see the man himself so were a bit surprised to find themselves filing past a corpse. But it did explain the no talking, no hands in pockets, no shorts, no t-shirts rules. Enforced by men with bayonets. Thank god my phone was on silent when I got that SMS message. I think your phone beeping is probably also against the rules.

It's hard to tell if these rules really need to be enforced or not as everyone here reveres and loves "Uncle Ho". Or at least seems to. I'm pretty sure our guide is not being sarcastic when he talks about the Party and how they've made Vietnam so successful. To be honest Ho Chi Minh should be pretty well loved as there aren't many leaders who have seen off two of the worlds great powers. But why he needs to be kept on show when his own wishes were to be cremated and scattered over Vietnam is beyond me. The cult of personality is very strange; and rare in democracies. Although Obama came close before he got elected. Think he's missed his chance now though.

The mausoleum is also part of the Presidential Palace. A huge French colonial pile that HCM refused to live in. He had a tiny two room wooden house built in the grounds and lived there instead. He really did seem to be a man of principles. He even had an outdoor dunny though that's taking principles too far in my opinion.

We also lost our first group member at the mausoleum. One of the ladies has a dicky hip so decided to give the hike around the "Wonderful World Of Communism" a miss. Unfortunately the guide couldn't remember when and where we were meeting her. I have to say he didn't seem to bothered about leaving her behind. She turned up just as we were boarding the bus. I'm pretty sure he'd get his pay docked if he looses too many guests.

There were two examples of things not being as they appear today. Both involving temples. The first one was the historic One Pillar Pagoda. Built in 1050. Except the current version was built in 1954 after the French demolished it when they left. So not at all historic then really. The next was the Temple Of Literature, completed in 2000. Admittedly some of it was old but it reminds you that quite a lot of Hanoi was completely bombed flat not all that long ago. In fact during my lifetime. Just. This place did have the most amazing gift shop I've ever seen though, selling buddha images and hammer and sickle banners. You don't get that in St Pauls.

So tomorrow morning is our first free time so I'm off to the Vietnam Military History Museum. We drove past today and it's got MiG fighters and tanks outside! How can anyone resist. And over the road is Lenin Square with the big statue and all. See it really is communist here.

So far it's great here. The food is good and cheap (bowl of phô = $1, beer = $1), the people are friendly and not totally obsessed with hassling you to buy stuff and I'm even getting used to crossing the road (just step out, don't look and everyone just seems to miss you). However the use of two currencies is doing my head in. Sometimes it's US$. sometimes it's VND. I prefer the latter as it's fun to say "that's 20000 Dong thanks". Much hilarity.

Oh and if you come here bring a European two pin plug adaptor. Most of the guide books say US or UK. Both are wrong. Luckily one of the group loaned me hers otherwise I'd be taking no pictures and receiving no SMS messages.

Mind you as I'm international roaming that might be a good thing.

Good Morning Vietnam

Well I'm here and it's bonkers! So much traffic, so much noise, so many people. I realised when I got to the airport that this was the first Communist Country I've been to, proven by the giant hats on the officials and the lack of smiling. Also the hour it too to get my bags back. I was definately getting separation anxiety untill I realised all the Australians were still waiting for thier luggage. Payback maybe?

The Taxi ride was also a steep learing curve. Firstly because I have been warned so many times about dodgy taxi drivers ripping you off here and secondly because of the traffic madness. I was in fact a little ripped off, with the agreed price od 250000 VND at the start of the hourney increasing to 400000 half way through. Significant inflation, but still only $20 foran hours taxi ride. No bad really.

The rest of my group arrived yesterday, they are a mixed bunch, young and old, mostly British, one American and a lady from Ireland, so it should be interesting. About to head off on the first days tripping so this is where I'll find out if I can really cope with organized travel.

Here I go again..

Ahh. Perth "International" Airport. How I've missed your hallowed, and surprisingly tiny, halls. Particularly noticeable tonight as there are five flights all checked in and waiting at the same time. Never seen so many people milling about in my life. Probably caused by a lack of seating in here. And exacerbated by the people lying across numerous seats.

Why do people feel the need to sleep at Perth airport. Surely you have barely started your journey as this is pretty much the end of every airlines route. Sleeping in transit at Dubai or Singapore I can understand. But here? Obviously all that checking in tired you out.

There is also an extremely unpleasant odour in the air. I'll blame the people on the no-frills airlines. I long for the days when air travel was expensive and glamorous and involved less people in thongs (the footwear not the underwear, but they may be wearing those too to match the lumbar tattoos).

You say snob; I say discerning!

Howzat?

Well you know summer is here when the words "England Collapses" appear in the sports news. The good old England Cricket Team are nothing if not dependable...as long as you aren't depending on them to have a winning streak of more than one match that is.

I put an app on my phone that sends me a little message, along with a 'bingle' noise, every time a wicket falls during a Test and it was really, amazingly surprising that during the second test, every time I looked, it was an Australian wicket falling. For two days it was a succession of little bingles from my pocket and for once England was winning. Sadly for the last two days the bingles have been coming even faster as the tourists do an impression of a dying swan. 

Still it's actually quite comforting for the status quo to be returned, and it lets the Aussies return to their usual pastime of trying to wind up the Englishman about his national side loosing some game or other again. What the colonials fail to realise is that if the English got sad every time one of their sporting teams/heros/hopefuls lost we'd be in a state of total depression almost constantly. The best way to deal with statements like "So the poms are loosing again eh mate, bet that makes ya sick as a green galah" (for that is how everyone speaks here, I've seen Oprah) is to respond with a polite "Of course they are" and smile. This disorients the Australian interlocutor as they have no real concept of resigned failure in sport, what with winning all the time. To be honest a lot of Aussies can't even handle the current (as of today) situation of a tie after 3 tests, some of my friends demand a whitewash or nothing, even though this way makes it actually possible to watch cricket without being totally bored stupid. 

Oh those paragraphs are going to earn me some grief but luckily I really don't give a toss about any sporting event so bring it on (luckily I moderate all the comments on here).

Finally finished getting stuff for the trip today, the most difficult thing was buying a new wash bag believe it or not. They are all massive (like my current one) or microscopic (made for carry on bottles). Eventually I got a North Face one that's like the baby offspring  of one of their full size duffels. I can at least pretend I'm a real adventurer now I own a piece of North Face equipment, more commonly seen going up an Alp or a Himalaya. 

I've come to wonder why all the staff in the shops insist on asking you things when you have quite obviously got earphones in and music playing? Every shop it's the same. I'm just browsing when I sense someone standing just out of my peripheral vision, looking expectant. It's a tiny bit annoying to unplug just to be asked if I need any help. If I need help I'll probably ask for it, all you need to do to the earphoned customer is smile and nod as they walk by. I suppose they are just trying to give good service but really, see the things in my ears? It means I cannot hear you! I'm never happy am I, either too much service or not enough.

I also have a bone to pick with the people who think their Commodore or Landcruiser counts as a "Small Vehicle" in the multistory car parks here. They write that on the wall so that you DON'T try to fit your 5 metre long truck in a 2 metre long space thereby completely blocking the exit from the damn place. Maybe there's a discount for smaller spaces that I don't know about?

I've just realised I've got two passports so it really (and I mean really, really) doesn't matter who wins the Ashes as I can claim to be a proud Citizen or Subject and claim the ashes as my own. That and jumping the immigration queue at Heathrow, the two perks of dual nationality.

Those were the days

I found out a very weird thing today. Apparently until fairly recently there were regular reunions of ex-SS members.

That's the Nazi, murdering, homicidal maniac SS.

I can't quite believe it, though I suppose if the RSL and British Legion have beer and bowls nights for the old soldiers then the Germans must do the same. But really, the SS? Half of them are still wanted war criminals and the rest must surely feel a little embarrassed by their exploits. Perhaps that should be 'hopefully' not 'surely' as I'm not sure at all that they feel any remorse.

I can't imagine what they talk about. I know that lots of people do things in wartime that they would never do in peacetime, like killing the enemy and trying to keep away from the Americans friendly fire, but there can't be many hilarious stories about Zyklon B and Einsatzgruppen to reminisce over.

Apparently these reunions don't happen so much now, but that's not because the authorities shut them down. Most of reunions were in Bavaria (the home of the Nazi party, I say no more) and seemed to go ahead with no bother from the judiciary and police. I make no judgements but it seems a bit odd that no one ever got arrested. Especially when the Danish government and Wiesenthal Centre are still trying to get at some of the attendees.

I understand that they rarely happen now as most of the 'old boys' are dead or incapacitated. Seems like a lost opportunity for justice to me.

I was thinking of something else too, about Copyright. How come if you are an 'artist' or 'creative' you do something once, but then get paid for it for the rest of your life and 70 years after you die?

No other job gets this. I would love to do a filling on someone once and get paid every time time the recipient chewed or spoke. Or plumbers could get paid every time you used the tap they put in.

Can anyone explain why it's like this? Especially the after death bit, that just sounds like giving money to your less talented relatives.

I've had wide ranging day as you can tell.