So I've been back a couple of weeks now and I would like to know why nobody in Perth seems to be able to drive properly?
Driving on the freeway is the scariest experience in my life, and I've just come back from Europe. No one here seems to be able to grasp the concept of merging into the traffic already on the freeway. There are two basic methods. One seems to be to drive as fast as possible down the slip road then cut up the people already on the road making them jam on their brakes. The other is to crawl down the slip road and then pull out in front of the traffic already on the road making them jam on their brakes. Both methods involve a significant amount of jamming on. There is a third way where you match your speed exactly with the traffic already on the freeway and have a very brief game of chicken with the driver of the car that you're are next too as the end of the slip road looms up. It's a bloody nightmare. To explain to everyone here; the idea of merging is for the vehicles on the freeway to maintain a steady speed, with sufficient gaps between them for the joining vehicles to carefully match the speed and gently filter in. This NEVER happens here. Ever.
To be fair that's partly because everyone on the freeway drives with a gap of about two feet between them at 100 kph. I have lost count of the number of Landcruisers and Holden Commodores that have tried to get into my boot while driving up to the City. I have always wondered why the freeway in Perth has such a low speed limit (100 kph) and I know why. It's because no-one is capable of driving any faster.
I have been doing quite a bit of travelling over the last couple of weekends. Last week it was up to Kalgoorlie to visit the gang and see the Christmas Show at the Goldfields Repertory Club, which was great. I did get a bit shocked by the drive though. I mean I've done it millions of times before (yes; millions) but I'd sort of forgotten how far 600 kms really is. I was completely knackered by the time I got there. It was good to go back as it made me realise that I really don't miss Kalgoorlie. In fact it's a bit of a hole. I can say that now. When you live in the bush here you are contractually obliged to tell everyone how great it is and how much you love it. We all do it and we are all mostly lying. I do miss my friends though. It was brilliant to see them all.
This weekend I've been to Bunbury to visit some other friends. I am so popular. Another great weekend but another nightmare drive. This time not so far but through speed trap heaven. This is normally not a problem but on the road to Mandurah there are signs everywhere saying "WE Know The Speed Limit. DO YOU?". Well actually, no, I don't. Because you never put any bloody speed limit signs up. And it changes from 80 to 60 to 90 to 100 in the blink of an eye. Makes for an interesting trip I suppose, especially watching all the other cars flying past at 120 kph then seeing them just down the road stopped by the rozzers. Obviously some people love getting points on their licence.
Mandurah itself is just horrible. A great smear of suburban excrement spread along the coast. All huge, unimaginative identikit mini-mansions thrown up on vast treeless blocks. All with no eaves, black roofs with a massive air-conditioner on the roof. Oh and no shops except for a massive big-box shopping centre here and there that you have to drive to. Very sustainable.
Maybe I'll stop now before I offend every single person in the State seeing as they all live in huge, uninmaginative identikit mini-mansions thrown up on vast treeless blocks. All with no eaves, black roofs with a massive air-conditioner on the roof.
Whoops!
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